tell your sister to shave her snatch
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
