Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
