I am puke
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
