I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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