Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
