another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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