Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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