I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
