this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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