i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
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