I just pynch a tree in the face
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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