Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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