you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Randomize
