thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
