Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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