Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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