Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
