Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
