we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
