My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
