Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
