I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I will pee on everything he values.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
