How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
