11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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