I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
