So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
