My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
did you just send me my own nude
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
