If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
