apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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