there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
