I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
