I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
