i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
