My hand turned me down
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Randomize
