I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
