well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
he fucked my hip out of place.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
