i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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