Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I am available for nakedness
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
