and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
