I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
