stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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