Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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