some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
