The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
