Sponge bath it is.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
