i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
