Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
