Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
