you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Randomize
