im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
